persians like to dance

The Persian Primer: How to Understand and Properly Make Fun of Iranian-Americans

2010-05-28T13:01:00.000-07:00

by Ali Binazir [ source article here ]

Everywhere I turn these days, Iranians seem to be in the news. Back in the home country, the women are causing tremors through sheer power of thought and implied hotness under the tents they wear. Both the women and men are causing minor tremors in the US, becoming culturally prominent in ways that I can no longer ignore. And it's not just here in Los Angeles - they're everywhere!

Iranian authors are all over the bookstore: Marjane Satrapi with Persepolis; Azar Nafisi's Reading Lolita in Tehran; Roxana Saberi's just released Two Worlds: My Life and Captivity in Iran; Firoozeh Dumas's Funny in Farsi. Shirin Ebadi took the Nobel Peace Prize in 2003. Nasim Pedrad is our very own Saturday Night Live cast member. The founder of eBay, Pierre Omidyar, is Iranian. So is Firouz Naderi, the head of NASA's Mars Exploration; Omid Kordestani, Senior VP at Google; hundreds of super-genius university professors; and about 12 million doctors and dentists, one of which has made you say 'aaah' in the past week.

Unfortunately, there has not been a commensurate rise in Iranian-American jokes. There are jokes about Irish-Americans, Mexican-Americans, Polish-Americans and Italian-Americans. (To be fair, there are also no German-American jokes, but what is there to make fun of? Punctuality? Good hair? Superior engineering? But I digress.) Heck, there are even jokes making fun of Southeast Asian drivers.

But who's making fun of Iranians? Nobody. Except for Iranians themselves, like Maz Jobrani and his riotous US Census videos. Most likely, this shortcoming stems from a lack of familiarity with the endearing quirks of Iranian culture that would lend themselves to proper parody.

Listen up people: we've been here almost thirty years now - figure it out already! To get you started and rectify this gross injustice, here's a cheat sheet of said quirks:

1. Iranians are overeducated.
According to the last US census, Iranian-Americans possess on average 4.7 doctorates for every man, woman and child. There are two reasons for this. First, every Iranian mom pushes her kid to become a doctor or lawyer (or both) and failing that, a dentist. Second, when a Muslim fundamentalist revolution hits a country (as in 1979), the educated people tend to skip town looking for greener (or at least less murder-prone) pastures.

2. Iranians are hairy beasts.
If you've ever gone to the beach with an Iranian friend, he's probably redefined the term 'Persian carpet' for you. It's cool - we wear our fur (and the concomitant early balding) proud, because we know it comes from an excess of manhood. Heck, when you're at the Red Cross donating red blood cells and plasma, we're donating testosterone. By the gallon. Especially for those poor Abercrombie & Fitch boys who can't even seem to be able to grow any facial hair, let alone any manly chest foliage.

3. Iranians are kind of loaded.
You can't just hop a boat or scale a fence to get from Tehran to Beverly Hills (7587 miles/12,210km distance). The skills and resources required to evade authorities over there, get on a plane, evade authorities over here, and get a pad beyond your means -- these all predispose towards a craftier, more educated crowd making it here. Immigrants tend to be an industrious bunch in any case, and with their education, smarts, and devastating good looks, Iranians tend to do well for themselves.

4. Iranians dig their bling.
What's the point of having the dough if you can't show it off? No self-respecting Iranian will be caught dead without their Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Prada, Armani and Rolex. Also, the only acceptable means of transportation is a BMW, Mercedes or Lexus - in any color as long as it's black, please.

5. Iranians are late.
If the invite says a party starts at 8pm, the Iranians will start rolling in at 11.30 - maybe. This isn't quite as bad as Brazilians, who may or may not show up in the same fiscal quarter as they promise, but adjust your expectations accordingly.

6. Iranians feed you to burst capacity.
Ever wonder what it feels like to be one of those force-fed geese that becomes foie gras? Well, if you go to a proper Persian party, you will. Hospitality is one of the cardinal virtues of Iranian culture, and we will not rest until all of our guests are supine and helpless on the floor like anesthetized walruses. The food tends to be mighty yummy, so trust me, there are worse fates than this.

7. Iranians are allergic to authority.
At every opportunity, an Iranian will do his level best to find the shortcut, outsmart the boss, bend the rules and otherwise coax, wheedle, charm and haggle his way out of a situation. Chalk it up to our long history of being overrun by Greeks, Arabs, Mongols, Russians, Brits and still coming out on top at the end of it all. Bonus: hire an Iranian lawyer - they were born to do what they do.

8. Every day is Formula 1 Grand Prix day for an Iranian driver.
Iranians can be some of the most pointlessly aggressive drivers on the road. This is because many of them were trained on the demolition derby that is the roads of Tehran -- or at least inherited the genes of their parents who survived those roads (yes, these things can be transmitted genetically, just like the propensity for Prada). And what's the point of driving your black 400-hp BMW M3 if you can't treat the 405 like Nurburgring? Exactly.

9. Iranians party hearty.
You can extrapolate from the foregoing tendencies that Iranians indeed like to have a good time. An Iranian, Sam Nazarian, quite literally owns Los Angeles nightlife and is expanding his empire worldwide. Dancing, singing, cooking, eating, drinking, celebrating the fullness and freedom of life - these are hallmarks of Iranian culture. History shows that all forces attempting to suppress this natural joyousness fail sooner or later. For the sake of our brethren over there, we fervently hope it's sooner rather than later. And for my own sake, you'd better show up to my party sooner rather than later so I have enough time to overfeed you.

[ source article here ]

book by Ghodsi Mirafzali

2010-04-14T16:32:00.000-07:00

I have a book from the San Jose Public Library system that I like very much. It is a small book with page-long vignettes about different aspects of Norooz and the Haft Seen. I cannot find this book on Amazon, but apparently it may be available through ketab.com.

The Mystery of the HAFT-SEEN by Ghodsi Mirafzali, translator: Ali Andalibi, P.H.D.

I like this bit about Norooz:

"Norooz's rituals are steeped in the wisdom of antiquity and should be carried out in earnest and treated with profound respect."

Something new I learned from this book is a peculiar chaharshanbeh-souri ritual called Audiomancy.

"Audiomancy: for this fascinating synchronistic ritual, individuals would first make a wish. They would then go stand on a street corner and listen for the answer to their wish in the first conversation that they would overhear between two people."

a thousand words in the telling

2010-02-24T12:41:00.000-08:00

"Farsi suits Persians. It is an outgrowth of the Persian sensibility. I have already spoken of the Persian character in regard to love and romance, but I haven't mentioned Farsi's most adorable feature: it is the language of liars. Not of cold-blooded liars - that's not what I mean. Not of liars who use language as a pickpocket uses his fingers. No, I mean those who dream, those who tell stories to themselves that they believe because of the beauty of the telling, those who use words to make roses bloom in the desert, where the sun has baked the soil black and red. [...]
Is is not the language of the downright, of the straight-talking, of the morally fearless. Can you ever get a straight answer from a Persian? No, it's not possible, because on the way to providing a straight answer, the Persian suddenly becomes aware of a hundred more fascinating routes to the answer, and before he knows it, before she knows it, a simple yes or no has become an adventure that requires a thousand words in the telling."

- Zarah Ghahramani, excerpted from "My Life as a Traitor"

Iran = "Aryan"

2010-02-24T12:37:00.000-08:00

I think of myself as a Persian rather than an Iranian. This is not hairsplitting. Persia existed before Iran, a name for the country that dates only to 1935, when the Pahlavis chose Iran, meaning "Aryan," to impress Western powers with Persia's supposed "white" racial pedigree. To think of myself as Persian allowes me to embrace the whole of my country's history, going back to the flowering of a distinctly Persian sensibility under the early Persian emperors - Achaemenes, Cyrus, and Darius -- twenty-five hundred years ago. For the first fifteen hundred years of Persia's existence, Zoroastrian was the state religion, and so, by embracing Persia's past, I also embrace the roots of my religion..."

- Zarah Ghahramani, excerpted from "My Life as a Traitor"

tadig

2009-11-15T09:39:00.000-08:00

My mother is obsessed with "crispy rice" - tadig - so Ali's mom made it for us for dinner. Yum!

Iranian women love to get nose jobs

2009-11-02T08:05:00.001-08:00

Last night, the topic of nose jobs came up during dinner. I did not realize that Iranian women often have their genetically well-endowed noses surgically altered to reflect a more Western ideal of beauty.

"...the Persian nose, it seems, is out of style."

As someone who believes that natural beauty is much more appealing than chemically altered human aesthetics, this trend is another fascinating cultural phenomenon within the Iranian community.

Documentary: Nose, Iranian Style (Mehrdad Oskouei) [link]

When researching to find the documentary, we also came across this 2005 CBS evening news report. Iran: Nose Job Capital Of World (Jaime Holguin) [ link ]

I'm particularly interested in exploring the connection between makeup, rhinoplasty, and head covering for Iranian women.

(By the way.... nose jobs are not Haram??)

the role of a Persian man...

2009-11-02T07:12:00.000-08:00

[ tongue-in-cheek ]

... is to rearrange all of the beemers in the driveway when someone needs to leave the house.

Persians are infamous for throwing perpetual house parties. My husband's parents live in a sleepy cul-de-sac in San Jose and on any given night you will see their driveway overflow into the the street, expensive cars haphazardly parked together and blocking one another in.

I am not someone who 'gets' cars. I appreciate the aesthetics of beautiful design, but do not understand why so many people have undying devotion to a particular brand or model. In my husband's family and their community of friends, BMWs seem to be the only way to go and I am trying to understand why this is true. The BMW is more than a status symbol; it seems to be a way of life.

According to my cousin Anita, it used to be the older people had Mercedes Benzs and younger people had BMWs. Now most people own BMWs: they are fast, well-made, and BMW provides excellent customer service. It's a status symbol, but also appeals to the practical side.

After seeing all of the luxury cars owned by not-always-wealthy people, I have to say that I've never seen a people group more dedicated to a particular type of car.

movie: Blackboards تخته سیاه Takhté siah

2009-07-22T17:50:00.000-07:00

Tonight we're watching Samira Makhmalbaf's 2000 film Blackboards (Takhté siah - تخته سیاه). It's filmed in the highland Kurdistan region of Iran, groups of Kurdish refugee travelers are all headed for the Iraqi border.

BLACKBOARDS

Directed by Samira Makhmalbaf; written (in Kurdish, with English subtitles) by Mohsen Makhmalbaf and Ms. Makhmalbaf; director of photography, Ebrahim Ghafori; produced by Mohamad Ahmadi; released by Leisure Time Features/Kimstim. At the Quad Cinema, 34 West 13th Street, Greenwich Village. Running time: 85 minutes. This film is not rated.

WITH: Bahman Ghobadi (Reeboir), Said Mohamadi (Said) and Behnaz Jafari (Halaleh).

my family.

2009-06-23T09:37:00.000-07:00

We recently visited Phoenix en masse to celebrate my sister Maryam's graduation from med school.

This visit illustrates the Iranian family's tendency to travel in herds. My sister, one of only 7 people graduating in her class, had three tables worth of guests at her graduation dinner. All 19 people showed up for brunch at the resort restaurant all at once wanting to be seated together. Iranians LOVE to be photographed together, especially when they are dressed up for an event.

Revolt in Iran

2009-06-16T09:50:00.001-07:00

The alleged results of the recent presidential election has caused quite a stir in Iran.
Here are some photos of the revolt.

ETA: June 16, 2pm EST
Iran has now banned foreign news reporters and journalists from documenting the streets.
[ more info here ]

The Song of Sparrows - Avaze gonjeshk-ha - آواز گنجشکها

2009-05-28T09:37:00.000-07:00

I am very excited for this new movie, set in Tehran, to come out in independent big screen theatres in the United States. Ali and I were going to attend an advance screening in Cambridge, MA last night but ended up staying in Lowell for the evening.

The Song of Sparrows - Avaze gonjeshk-ha - آواز گنجشکها

for more information:

"Fired from his job as an ostrich wrangler on a ranch, Karim (Reza Naji) sets out to Tehran to visit his daughter. But on the way, he is mistaken for a motorcycle taxi driver and soon trades in his gentle rural ways for life in the modern world. His wife (Maryam Akbari) and kids soon realize that Karim's new job and his sophisticated clientele are corrupting his generous nature in this rich, award-winning Iranian drama." (netflix.com)

esfand for arusi : a persian wedding tradition

2009-05-27T13:55:00.000-07:00

One of the traditions associated with Sofreh Aghd, or the Irani-Persian wedding ceremony, involves a charcoal grill called a manghal carried in front of the bride and placed on the sofreh aghd spread. The manghal (shown above, gold and fancy) is sort of like a fire pot or pit. At some point during the wedding ceremony, a family member will throw esfand (herb seeds native to Iran, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Tajikistan, and India) on the fire pit, which causes the seeds to explode and give off a fragrant smoke. This smoking and popping is said to ward away evil spirits. According to my cousin Anita, [one is] "supposed to do it when good things happen so that no one will evil eye you... sort of like Native American Indians burning sage to cleanse."

According to wikipedia (link), the burning of esfand is practiced by both Muslims and Zoroastrians. Many of the traditions associated with sofreh aghd are Zoroastrian in origin. Burning esfand seeds is done not only at a wedding, but also in many other circumstances to ward off evil spells.

ETA 5/27/09 via Hassan Haghani:
Many cultures have similar practices. In our culture, burning espand (or esfand) is like paying an insurance premium to maintain course in the direction of happiness and contentment. You keep "cheshme-bad" or "nazar" (too much attention) away. The "evil eye" is a rough Western equivalent, but not exactly the same. The most important distinction between "cheshme bad" and the western "evil eye" is that "cheshme bad" does not necessarily come from ill intention or ill wishes. It is not necessarily the desire of another person to do you harm. Rather, an observer, in their experience of joy for another's extraordinary happiness or fortune (perhaps subconsciously tinged with a little envy) , could unintentionally overload the atmosphere and thereby strengthen the everwaiting presence of darkness to derail that other person's (or any person's) fortune. Espand's popping and smoking burns away those droplets of envy that may have slipped in the air, no matter how unintentionally.

Now, I'm going to let my imagination fly! This may go back to our pre-Islamic roots. Could it go back even to our pre-Zoroastrian days? We know that our Hindu and Buddhist "cousins" have developed similar, although not identical, practices for centuries alongside us. Did we start this during to the earlier belief systems of our ancestors, when they seemed to believe in a much more pronounced balance/duality of darkness and light, the two representing equally powerful deities or forces? Light and darkness could coexist and neither was better or worse than the other. In fact, according to that structure, neither could exist without the other, but each was constantly trying to triumph over the other (Could you see the parallels between this and the Chinese yin-and-yang?). Human beings were mere creatures swept away by whichever force was trumphing over the other at any given time. It was therefore the human's duty to give strength to the force that would make better conditions for his own existence. Darkness - in the old belief system - was not necessarily evil or bad, as it existed within us. However, happiness, which was always present, could only be recognized during the moments that light would help us see it. Our inability to see in the dark didn't mean that there was no happiness there. Knowing our own weakness and blindness in the dark, we preferred light. It gave us the freedom to recognize contentment. Certain practices were understood to to give an upper hand to light/sun/brighness over night/darkness/absence of light. We know that when we burn espand, we are also pushing away our own natural inclanation to create darkness. We are constantly afraid that we are unitentially disrupting someone else's happiness out of our own human weakness, out of unintended envy, as well.

Anita also pointed me in the direction of this website [link], which may be of questionable veracity.

Do you know what a Parsi is?

2009-05-11T18:16:00.000-07:00

Tonight Ali and I are watching a movie called "Such a Long Journey" about the Persians in India (who came to be known as Parsis).

Parsis are those who fled to India when the Arabs came into Persia and demanded they choose between Islam or death. They took the ancient religious teachings of Zoroastria with them.

Here's some information about the Parsi People.

Here is a link to the work of Sooni Taraporevala [link], who has done a photo series and film about the Parsi people.

Sizdah be dar

2009-04-05T20:01:00.001-07:00

Sizdah be dar ("seez-da-beedah"). I love to say that over and over, fast.

We just passed another Irani holiday and I wanted to give it a quick shout-out. Thirteen days past the Persian new year (Norouz) you're supposed to spend the entire day outside and and eat certain types of food. This year, Sizdah be dar fell on Thursday, April 2. In practice, it seems to me like the Persians tend to all go to a pre-designated park and make one giant community picnic (usually with live performances and all kinds of activity)... and it's always the Sunday after the thirteenth day of the new year.

So happy Sizdah be dar, observed!

Read more about the Persian traditions for Sizdah be dar over here.

Fun fact: it's thought that our current "april fools" tradition came from ancient Persian sizdah be dar pranksters, who are supposed to play practical jokes.

Chahārshanbe Sūrī - چهارشنبه‌سوری

2009-03-17T18:11:00.000-07:00

It's that time of the year, the night before the last Wednesday of the year. Time to celebrate the triumph of light and health over darkness and sickness!

Ali and I just did our own little Chahārshanbe Sūrī festival - چهارشنبه‌سوری - in our living room since we can't exactly build a bonfire on the streets of Lowell.

You are supposed to sing a song with these lyrics:

Zardî-ye man az (ane) to, sorkhî-ye to az (ane) man...
"My yellowness [sickness] is yours [fire], your redness [strength/health] is mine."

We sang to each other the best we could, and each jumped over a candle a couple of times while the other clapped and sang. To finish, we ate some Ajīl-e Moshkel-Goshā (= "problem-solving nuts").

[ wikipedia reference ]

Here's a great video my mother found from iran.tv outlining Norooz. Check it out around 6:40 to see what the fire-jumping is all about.

Arusi Persian Wedding

2009-03-16T19:15:00.000-07:00

PBS has a feature called "independent lens" that will be airing a documentary called Arusi Persian Wedding. Arusi is "wedding" in Irani language Farsi (Aroos / Arous is bride and Damad is groom).

Arusi Persian Wedding
Click link above to see a trailer for the film and check local listings.

In Cambridge/Boston, WGBX Channel 44 will be airing the film twice...
Thursday, March 19, @ 3:00am and Sunday, March 29 @ 9:00pm

For those of us living north of Boston, the NH public television station (my favorite!) WENH Channel 11 is airing the film on Saturday, March 28 @ 12:00am and Sunday, March 29 @ 11:00pm

Ali and I and our friend Kristen went to the Boston Public Library to see a screening of Arusi Persian Wedding, and we thought it was pretty interesting. It's definitely one of those earnest "we're just keeping it real!" pieces from a young filmmaker.

What I liked about the piece, and the reason I will watch it again when it airs on independent lens, is that it is a candid look behind the scenes, on location in Iran, on a topic (the wedding) that is assumed to integrated in every person's vernacular if you grow up in Iran, but the oral tradition gets orphaned and out of context, and can even seem irrelevant to a second generation kid raised in the mainstream US. Complicating matters further, traditionally the parents plan, coordinate, and fund the entire Arusi (the groom's side picks up the tab) while in the US weddings are now mostly planned and often paid for by the couple. There is a huge gap in expectation when a young Irani-American sets a date for their wedding. It's suddenly every third cousin's business.

After going through the craziness of a Persian-style Arusi wedding celebration for our own wedding last February, I can tell you that it is NOT easy to get connected to information about Persian weddings if you don't understand Farsi... younger generations who speak both languages don't really want to talk about it and the older generations who love to talk about it can't express the traditions in English. The classic fusion wedding dilemma! It's intriguing from a psychological standpoint.

_________________________________________________________________________________

March is a very special month in Irani culture, so it's a great time to air a doc about Persian weddings. The most celebrated Irani holiday is always around March 21, at the vernal equinox. Persians take the exact lunar calendar date down to the hour and celebrate the beginning of spring with a big party with a table of seven traditional items (Haft Sīn), but only after cleaning their houses from top to bottom (Khoune Takouni) and jumping over a fire (Chahārshanbe Sūrī چهارشنبه سوری) - more on those things later. Nowrūz means new year / new day. Wikipedia has some really decent information about Nourouz.

Someday I will probably attempt to coordinate resources for those of us who plan Persian wedding Arusi. There's a lot of beautiful symbolism and ancient traditions that are difficult to understand in the western context of most American weddings, but these traditions can help inform our understanding of the age-old institution. I hope we don't lose it all in the culture gap!

brides and body hair removal...

2009-02-27T07:09:00.000-08:00

I was just researching ancient Persian haircare for a photo shoot, and came across some information I did not know.

According to this source, in ancient Irani culture women did not do any hair removal until they were married. I am assuming that leg shaving and other now-common hygiene practices were not commonplace, so this would make sense. Also, I know that Ali's grandmother was married when she was 13 or something... so a younger age at marriage would be another factor. But still... shaving the eyebrows? Fascinating.

Body hair removal was a rite of passage and signaled passing from girlhood to womanhood. Only married women removed their body hair and the first one before marriage ceremony was a major ritual. These all-female events could include many friends, relatives, neighbors and servants. A whole day was spent in the baths with food, cold drinks tea and even musicians and dancers. Young men were clean-shaven while elderly and the more religious preferred a beard.

With the bride to be, all body hair was removed and once the eyebrows were plucked the girl had officially entered the kingdom of womanhood. In recent years with more traditional Iranian families moving to the West removing body hair has become an issue amongst parents and daughters. As far as the young girls are concerned these are common beauty and hygiene practices, while for their parents the act represents a major change and indicates becoming a woman without being married.

[ more from the same source ]

December 21, Shab-e Yalda

2008-12-20T10:31:00.000-08:00

Shab-e Yalda, also known as Shab-e Cheleh; Winter Solstice

Persian holidays tend to be centered on the change of seasons and other solstice-type events. Today is Shab-e Yalda, the longest night of the year. It's the "eve of the birth of Mithra, the Sun God, who symbolised light, goodness and strength on earth." [ reference ]

According to my mother-in-law Nasrin, we're supposed to eat watermelon and pomegranate "to keep you warm all year."

In Iran today, despite of the advent of Islam and Muslim rituals, Shab-e Yalda is still celebrated widely. It is a time when friends and family gather together to eat, drink and read poetry (especially Hafiz) until well after midnight. Fruits and nuts are eaten and pomegranates and watermelons are particularly significant. The red colour in these fruits symbolises the crimson hues of dawn and glow of life, invoking the splendour of Mithra.

Because Shab-e Yalda is the longest and darkest night, it has come to symbolise many things in Persian poetry; separation from a loved one, loneliness and waiting. After Shab-e Yalda a transformation takes place - the waiting is over, light shines and goodness prevails.

[ reference ]

MORE INFO about Shab-e Yalda:

farsinet
wikipedia
cultureofiran
persianmirror

Questions I still have:
The night of the fortieth... what?
(Forty days before the next major Persian festival Jashn-e Sadeh?)